I'm feeling a bit deflated at the moment...like one of the salmon pink balloons lying on the dining room floor from Lydia's birthday party last Wednesday. It could be the late night tagging merchandise or all that heat and humidity we sat in for the sale yesterday. It could also be the panini sandwich of specialty meats that tasted amazing when I ate it a few hours earlier but isn't sitting to well at the moment. Or, perhaps it's simply the task ahead seems so far beyond what I could possibly do that I am feeling a sense of, well, smallness.
Smallness... is actually good and helpful when one turns it into humility. At the moment I am trying to find my way around the corner of smallness and onto the street of humility. Smallness just leads to hopelessness, but humility is strength in the knowledge that we are small, but God is not.
I suppose that after the sale I had hoped to increase the percent of "the amount raised for two tickets home" by at least one percent. I admit I was a bit disappointed when I worked out the math and realised only a .7% increase. But I am beginning to grasp that if this adoption becomes a reality it will be because of a work of God, not a work of Kris. And that's the way I want it to be. But it will only be that way if I take a deep breath and turn the corner from small to humble and allow The Creator of this universe to do His work.
So many great people helped with our first fundraiser and in no way to I think that it was a bust. It was .7%. But more than that...it is moving me toward humility which gives God something to work with. He's probably like, "Finally Kris, you got out of my way...now I can do something BIG!." So, thank you to Joanne, Aki, Josh and Kristin, Susie Q., Dael and Abbie, Ben, Noah and Lydia. You donated, marked, baked, helped sell, setup, cleanup, etc. Plus, we have plenty of loot left over for the next sale. You have each been a huge blessing! I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Now I leave you with words of wisdom that I would do well to take hold of:
"When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today.
That deflated balloon doesn't look so sad to me anymore. It just looks ready to be filled- with HOPE.